The Interpretation of Dreams

Woke up towards the early hours of the morning with a sudden and insatiable desire to post something on Facebook about the nightmare I was just in, a desire which I curbed. I haven’t posted anything there for ages and I don’t intend to start now.

But the nightmare stayed, lingering, sticky, radically unnerving. Somehow I need to deal with its spillage into my waking life.

And so I stagger to the computer, in hope of putting it down for virtual posterity.
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Unhappy Days in Happy Valley

Nostalgia is a bitter but useful drug. The best part of my memories keeps me going, reminds me that if things were that wonderful, they could potentially return to that state in the near-future (or to a state which is near that state). Of course, indulge too much and your end up denying the present, and as the Zen masters say, to pin down the gift of happiness is to live firmly in the moment…

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The Merry Month of March

I’m sad but I’m euphoric at the same time, a dangerous combination at the best of times. What this means is that I’ll probably spend too much, give gifts away freely, end up in the bedrooms of strangers, on the ledges of bridges and eventually inside a clinic or two. Yes, I’ve turned into a walking cliche.

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Why/why not/why the fuck not?

marilynminter_blackorchid_homepageI’ve always trusted my gut instinct when it comes to love and career. Perhaps that’s why I’ve failed terribly at both. I quit before there’s any chance of failing or succeeding. I curtail things before they come to fruition, before even the words ‘I love you’ has been said. Basically, I try very hard to not try, most of the time, a depressingly teenage attitude I thought I would’ve gotten rid of by 2016, but clearly not.

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Love in the time of schizophrenia

Came upon a cache of old photos in my computer yesterday night…was riveted by my younger self. What I wouldn’t give… …do I want to be 21 again? Not really. But do I wish I’ve never met the friends I’m doomed to have met? Perhaps. And do I wish I’ver never fucked the people I should’ve politely asked to fuck off instead? Hell yes. Definitely. In fact there are days when I long to return to a state of utter virginity, before any flesh was breached.

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