‘Tis the Season

Christmas. With the seasonal cheer comes the ghosts of Christmases past. Happy days sipping mulled wine in sub-zero temperatures; slightly less happy days in a doctor’s office sipping tap water as my mind unravelled. Ah, what a difference a day/month makes!

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Enduring Love

It’s on nights like this that I miss S with a ferocity that equals the shock and awe of romantic love.  Then it passes.

The last words she said to me as she sailed out of my life (unwittingly) were: There’s no way we wouldn’t see each other soon, anyway.’ It’s been 10 years, counting.

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The Sounds of Summer


Surf’s up on Repulse Bay

So it’s goodbye to blue skies and long days drinking in the summer; hello to a work desk and clocking in/out again. Yes, ’tis the season for work after a long hiatus away from employment. (Blame it on the recurring blues) This is make-or-break time, unfortunately…my last-gasp attempt at middle-class propriety. But I’m trying to convince myself that I should treat everything with the utmost lightness.

Until it gets so light that I cancel myself out.

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Golden are the ties of friendship

My friends, in no particular order

1. She’s on her way up, I’m on my way down. The perfect meeting point between our trajectories is Zara, where we stock up on cheap belts and cheap jewellery, and slightly more expensive coats.

2. She’s been around for ages, she only does small talk, and sometimes I wonder what’s in it for me.

3. She loved me. Enough said.Past tense, though.Broken are the ties of friendship

4. I thought I loved her. Crazy fun to hang around with, and lethal fun at that.

5.We love to read and think of England when we sleep. (when i’m not troubled by the Motherland, that is)

6. She is both several steps behind and several leagues ahead of me. Spiritually, financially, romantically.

7.The new best friend I suspect wouldn’t last – talks that cut a little too deep, and wine that goes down easy.

8. The old best friend who I suspect will never go away – summer camps, ‘girl talk’ and baking lemon cakes while it rains.

9. The one who makes me feel better about myself. By doing worse than me.

10. An honorary spot for all the guys who I thought were kinda friends, until I realized that they were more interested in fucking (i was fuckable then). And no, there’s been no guys since I got a bit ill and off, because of the fuckability issue, obviously.

Conclusion: I’m a cynic, and therefore spiritually friendless even when I am surrounded by friends. Unless they happen to be bigger cynics than me.