Had the weirdest dream ever in which basically everyone I’ve ever known and loved and fallen out with showed up in a haunted house. It wasn’t the pleasantest dream while it was going on (there were also some mice and a couple of gory deaths involving parents), but when I woke up I sensed it could be in some way cathartic.
Maybe this had something to do with the amount of drink I had yesterday night, or maybe not. Alcohol has rarely released anything for me, except maybe a propensity to go first louder, than ever quieter than usual. But then it was a weird night all round, and alcohol was merely the final touch in a long list of semi-debaucheries.
In other news, my mum said this to me the other day: I wish to say sorry for giving birth to you. Such a weird/sad moment that I now can’t unhear. I take it (at least I hope) she doesn’t mean she regrets giving birth to me, but that she’s sorry she couldn’t give me what she’s always called ‘the gift of happiness’?
Parents, at least mine, can be such temperamental, self-centred individuals, prone to saying the wrong things at the wrong time, and remaining stubbornly silent on vital issues. But then I guess I could be too. My more monstrous qualities have simply been dulled by persistent low mood. I know that full well, which leads me to wonder what would finally happen were the mood/ general discombobulation (S’s favourite word) to lift?
I don’t think I really want to know, hence I’ll remain in the fog, for now.